Please do excuse me for my English. I ain''t in the mood for writing in Bulgarian, feel it too strong and meaningful. It''s not appropriate for the things I just need to write but have no idea what they are supposed to mean. I feel so messed up.. I am such a mess, I am such a wreck.. ;] Here I am after the end of a really fucked up story and still bleeding and keeping in mind I don''t need myself being involved in any kind of a love thing or whatever. I feel so bad and I am so hurt and my heart is so really broken. And yet I find myself with a hand on my mobile waiting for the vibratiton which indicates an incoming message from this new girl I''ve met. I don''t really care for her and yet I feel really bad for her being sick and feeling like shit and I wish she was alright now. I can''t recall at times her face and still at some point it just pops out in my mind and then go dizzy again. I don''t remember what she has said but I hear her voice chiming like a christmas bell in and out my head. I haven''t spoke to her more than an hour (even less) but I am so anxious to meet her. What the fuck is this supposed to mean? I don''t want to feel anything close to ''love'' or whatever. I don''t need it, it is going to kill me, I know. Yes.. I am afraid. I am fucking scared to death. And suppose I do want something to come out of this. Suppose I do care for her. Suppose I try to make things right this time. Nothing will come out. Nothing is going to be right. Nothing is going to happen, nothing is supposed to happen. But still I wait with a hand on my mobile, still I want to answer her call, to hear her voice and feel her touch on my hand. And I still don''t really feel for her.. do I? I don''t know how to feel..